I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
