before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
