New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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