At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
