it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
