You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
