When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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