Sorry, I don't speak sober.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
