Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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