Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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