Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
