yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
