I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
