He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He better not be in your backpack
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
