Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
