Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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