I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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