I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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