i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
