It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
