after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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