Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize