My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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