Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
