Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
