Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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