I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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