So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
