Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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