I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
