I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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