i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize