He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
