Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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