i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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