so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
