even my farts smell like vagina
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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