When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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