Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Is Oprah even human
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