i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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