I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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