she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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