he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
