thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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