Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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