Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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