i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
