I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
