dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
areolas are like halos for boobs.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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