Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
