I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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