Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
The beer is more important than you right now.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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