Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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