my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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