Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
