it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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