i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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