How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize