loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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