u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
