Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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