Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
