Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
