You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
