Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize